From the time I was a little girl I was conditioned to believe that labor is the worst thing a woman can endure. I heard horror stories from my friends' moms recounting their experiences to my mother. When playing house there was always panting and screaming in the name of authenticity. Media portrays labor as something to be feared or a necessary evil. After spending some time looking at the stages of labor I have come to a conclusion. Now, I know I haven't done this before, but I have long felt that my experiences were only going to be as good as I wanted them to be. I have found this to be true in developing friendships, relationships with family and my own marriage. With that in mind, let us proceed.
I want to actively ENJOY doing what I was sent to Earth to do. I want to feel connected to the process with the understanding that there will be pain and discomfort involved. I want to feel my contractions (maybe not full-blown) and feel my baby move through me. I want to relax and understand that while labor and delivery may feel like an eternity on its own, it is the final experience to me being pregnant and I want to go out with a bang! It is the first true test in preparing for what I have always wanted to do, be a mother. There is divinity in that, it is not a reason to be fearful, but to find joy!
I have realized that the course of my pregnancy has been training me to get less sleep, thank you insomnia; that I can't always have my own schedule, thank you bladder; and that I will have moments that I would rather not have, thank you vomiting. Pregnancy has been teaching me flexibility and other important lessons that I will need as a mother. I always heard how hard pregnancy was, and yes, there were times it was not pleasant, but there is so much joy in it! I realized that I was responsible for another living being that would depend on me for all of his basic needs, thank you little embryo! A being that would turn to Leo and I for comfort, thank you little kicks! Someone who I would love so completely and try so hard to figure out how to keep him safe and get him back to Heavenly Father in the best possible shape, thank you Baxter!
I am so thankful for a Heavenly Father who loves me and allows me to grow to my fullest capacity through tests and has given me a strong, righteous partner to face these times with. I am grateful for the opportunity that Heavenly Father has given me to bring one of His spirit children into the world and for the knowledge that He knows I will be fine. Because I am His daughter with His divinity inside of me, His desire for our family to be together forever and His strength uplifting and protecting me. What a beautiful blessing that knowledge is.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Sleep Eludes Me
May I just say how much I am loving being up right now? Ok, not really. I want to be sleeping but my body is done. My sleep schedule is so off lately! The last couple nights I haven't been able to get to sleep until about 2:30 am. My early night was 12:30 and last night, in an act of defiance, I forced myself to lie down at 8:30. I slept but then woke up at 2:30, it is now 4:50, I may be getting sleepy again... we'll see.
I have decided that the interruptions in sleep during pregnancy are for our benefit to get our bodies used to not sleeping so we are not as exhausted as we could be when caring for our new little one. This is a tender mercy from Heavenly Father, for which I am grateful. I can't help but wonder though if I am doing something wrong or if I am doing more harm in confusion to my body by trying to sleep.
Leo is changing his sleep schedule much to his excitement. He goes to bed sometime between 8-10 pm and wakes up at 4 am. He feels like he gets so much done in the morning and he is preparing himself for when he has rotations. I am glad that he enjoys it, but I miss seeing him in the evenings. Tomorrow I am getting up earlier than I normally do on a Saturday so we can spend some time together. I am super excited!
I have decided that the interruptions in sleep during pregnancy are for our benefit to get our bodies used to not sleeping so we are not as exhausted as we could be when caring for our new little one. This is a tender mercy from Heavenly Father, for which I am grateful. I can't help but wonder though if I am doing something wrong or if I am doing more harm in confusion to my body by trying to sleep.
Leo is changing his sleep schedule much to his excitement. He goes to bed sometime between 8-10 pm and wakes up at 4 am. He feels like he gets so much done in the morning and he is preparing himself for when he has rotations. I am glad that he enjoys it, but I miss seeing him in the evenings. Tomorrow I am getting up earlier than I normally do on a Saturday so we can spend some time together. I am super excited!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The Joys of Being a Medical School Widow
Hello friends! I am so thankful to have my sweet Leo in medical school. I know what you are thinking, "What? Is she crazy? She never sees her husband, they will be over $500,000 in debt by the time he is done and he STILL has eleven years until he can have his own practice? AND she is thankful for this?!" Yes, I am. These are the reasons why.
I have the blessing to work to try to cover as many bills as I can while we budget out living expenses on our loans. The joy in this is that I have an opportunity to understand the pressures that come from making sure there is enough money for what we have to have. I am learning that there are wants and needs and the needs have to be prioritized. It is a lesson that I am very thankful for and it is better preparing me for being a mother as things need to be prioritized everyday.
I have the gift of watching my husband undertake one of the greatest goals of his life. I get to be frustrated with undesired results and celebrate his victories right alongside him. It is a joy watching him do what he needs to do and succeed at it. It makes me so happy that I get to see more and more of Leo's strengths. He is AMAZING at interacting with patients and diagnosing. Leo not only goes to class from 8:00 am-6:00 pm and studies from about 8:00 pm-1:00 am, but he also takes time to have dinner with me and often, he cooks it. I am constantly impressed with the things he accomplishes and am humbled and grateful for who he is. I do not take him for granted often because I can see how much he actually does for us. He is always cheerful with me and never complains. I stand in awe of the man I married.
Leo is learning all kinds of muscle manipulations which comes in very handy if you happen to be with a very pregnant wife in her third trimester and waddling, that's me! Leo does simple techniques which takes away most of my pain and discomfort. I don't waddle anymore and I LOVE THAT! Just tonight (after asking me since Friday if he could PLEASE just work on me) he fixed my hips that have been hurting for three days. Seconds after he finished I am feeling great and walkin' around like a goon! It isn't super fun, but he does it cheerfully and very willingly. Definitely makes my pregnancy easier.
Another reason I love having Leo in medical school is that since our time together is so limited we rarely spend it arguing. We are able to enjoy each other and just live in the moment, more often than not, although sometimes my hormones do get in the way... um...sorry about that honey! We do spend a lot of time vegging because otherwise Leo's brain would explode, but we get to talk and enjoy each other as well. We have spent some time recently reading different books and analyzing them.
My husband is a stinkin' walking encyclopedia! I mean seriously! He is so smart and he remembers all of this information that astounds me! He has to study hard, but it pays off in the end. I am going to take him with me to functions and when people ask me questions I will just refer them to Leo! I love listening to him!
Here are a couple random facts for you about Leo's first semester in Medical School:
1. During his semester (July 12-December 17) he completed 41 credit hours.
2. Leo has taken 29 written and practical exams.
3. When Leo takes his practical exams he gets to wear his white coat and interact with paid patients who then evaluate him for the professors. He is also filmed so professors and he can critique his performance as well.
4. Leo also works in the cadaver lab taking care of the corpses.
5. Leo has at least 17 books (my count) covering pharmacology, immunology, human anatomy and various sciences that he uses regularly.
6. Leo is required to practice different techniques on 10 different students for every unit they do and submit that to his professors as part of his grade.
7. Leo has practiced patient history, physical exam and neurological exam on Jamie. The history he had to be able to complete in 9 minutes, the history and exam in 14. I don't remember the times for the other ones, but either way he rocked at it!
These are all the reasons I am thankful to be a Medical School widow and I am sure that more will make themselves evident through the course of time.
I have the blessing to work to try to cover as many bills as I can while we budget out living expenses on our loans. The joy in this is that I have an opportunity to understand the pressures that come from making sure there is enough money for what we have to have. I am learning that there are wants and needs and the needs have to be prioritized. It is a lesson that I am very thankful for and it is better preparing me for being a mother as things need to be prioritized everyday.
I have the gift of watching my husband undertake one of the greatest goals of his life. I get to be frustrated with undesired results and celebrate his victories right alongside him. It is a joy watching him do what he needs to do and succeed at it. It makes me so happy that I get to see more and more of Leo's strengths. He is AMAZING at interacting with patients and diagnosing. Leo not only goes to class from 8:00 am-6:00 pm and studies from about 8:00 pm-1:00 am, but he also takes time to have dinner with me and often, he cooks it. I am constantly impressed with the things he accomplishes and am humbled and grateful for who he is. I do not take him for granted often because I can see how much he actually does for us. He is always cheerful with me and never complains. I stand in awe of the man I married.
Leo is learning all kinds of muscle manipulations which comes in very handy if you happen to be with a very pregnant wife in her third trimester and waddling, that's me! Leo does simple techniques which takes away most of my pain and discomfort. I don't waddle anymore and I LOVE THAT! Just tonight (after asking me since Friday if he could PLEASE just work on me) he fixed my hips that have been hurting for three days. Seconds after he finished I am feeling great and walkin' around like a goon! It isn't super fun, but he does it cheerfully and very willingly. Definitely makes my pregnancy easier.
Another reason I love having Leo in medical school is that since our time together is so limited we rarely spend it arguing. We are able to enjoy each other and just live in the moment, more often than not, although sometimes my hormones do get in the way... um...sorry about that honey! We do spend a lot of time vegging because otherwise Leo's brain would explode, but we get to talk and enjoy each other as well. We have spent some time recently reading different books and analyzing them.
My husband is a stinkin' walking encyclopedia! I mean seriously! He is so smart and he remembers all of this information that astounds me! He has to study hard, but it pays off in the end. I am going to take him with me to functions and when people ask me questions I will just refer them to Leo! I love listening to him!
Here are a couple random facts for you about Leo's first semester in Medical School:
1. During his semester (July 12-December 17) he completed 41 credit hours.
2. Leo has taken 29 written and practical exams.
3. When Leo takes his practical exams he gets to wear his white coat and interact with paid patients who then evaluate him for the professors. He is also filmed so professors and he can critique his performance as well.
4. Leo also works in the cadaver lab taking care of the corpses.
5. Leo has at least 17 books (my count) covering pharmacology, immunology, human anatomy and various sciences that he uses regularly.
6. Leo is required to practice different techniques on 10 different students for every unit they do and submit that to his professors as part of his grade.
7. Leo has practiced patient history, physical exam and neurological exam on Jamie. The history he had to be able to complete in 9 minutes, the history and exam in 14. I don't remember the times for the other ones, but either way he rocked at it!
These are all the reasons I am thankful to be a Medical School widow and I am sure that more will make themselves evident through the course of time.
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