What a delightful 9 months

Baxter is such a big boy! We can't believe how much fun we have with him and the joy that he brings to our lives. This is his Halloween picture, at playgroup he dressed up as a bear and for trick or treating he was a monkey.
Baxter is also doing great at growing his teeth, getting his haircut, army crawling, and (dah-dah-dah-dah!) pulling himself up! He has been trying for a while but on Friday he finally did it and since then he has pulled himself up on toy boxes, his walker and the couch! What a big fella!

He says "Hi" and "dada, daddy, dad". He waves and can even walk when we hold onto his hands. The other day we went in to get him out of bed and he was trying to stand up so we had to move his crib mattress down.

We also went to see Santa yesterday and he loved it! He was quite taken with Santa's beard and kept smiling at him. We are getting excited for Baxter's first Christmas season and can't wait for him to get to open his presents and play with the paper and boxes but leave the actual gift for next year.

Baxter is HERE!

On Monday, March 28 I had the most amazing experience, one I had been hoping and preparing for my whole life, my sweetheart and I welcomed our first child to the world.

It was an incredibly spiritual experience. I was blessed throughout my pregnancy to be surrounded by people who helped me look forward to labor and delivery as a divine experience. For the few days leading up to the experience I listened to hymns and talks about motherhood and God's mercy and love. I prayed that everything would go well and that Baxter would be safe. When contractions became regular on Saturday night I borrowed a page out of a book by pioneer women and made strawberry freezer jam. Yes, it is more simple than everything else that super women have done through the ages, but I was still pretty excited about getting it done.

We went into the hospital on Sunday afternoon to find out that I was still only dilated to a 3 and were sent home. I spent a lot of time in the shower that day to ease the contractions. We tried to relax and wait for the inevitable. On Monday morning the contractions were about 6 minutes apart lasting just over a minute we went to the hospital and they monitored me for an hour and I dilated from a 4 to a 5 and admitted us!

We got cozy in our room. After about an hour I was a 6 and wanted to go for a walk. We walked around for and went back to the room, the doctor told me that I was giving labor a bad name and he couldn't believe that I was walking around dilated to a 6 and not on an epidural, then he broke my water. I waited about an hour and the anesthesiologists came in to give me the drugs. They tried 10 times to get the epidural to stick. The needle they used to administer the local anesthetic couldn't get to where it needed in my spine and I felt every single twinge and movement as the epidural needle snaked through my spine. For just over an hour that was my life. I lasted about 45 minutes before I started crying and Leo came and stood right in front of me instead of to the side holding my hand. He looked right at me and every once in a while I saw his eyes dart to watch what the doctors were doing. He told me after that he watched as they pulled my tissue and blood out of my back as they tried over and over. Finally we all agreed it wasn't going to work and I was going to hit it all natural.

Another hour passed and I was informed that it was time to start Pitocin. After an hour on Pitocin my contractions were lasting about 90 seconds were coming every minute or so, I was still only dilated to a 7. Leo sat with me and rubbed my back, I thought I was in back labor but now I think it was just the injuries from the failed epidurals as I also had intense contractions in my front. 6:15 pm came with no progress in dilation and I started feeling like I needed to push, the nurses helped me breathe through it while Leo held my hand and told me how well I was doing. Finally around 7 pm I was an 8. At 7:15 I started pushing without being able to stop it and I told the nurse to call the doctor, I wanted a c-section. I couldn't stop myself and I knew that if the baby pushed up against the cervix it would swell and block Baxter's way out, most likely sending him into distress. The nurse checked me again at 7:30 and I was FINALLY to a 10 and ready to push! She and Leo held me as she showed me how to push and I did 3 practice pushes, right as I finished those the doctor came in, covered up and we started working with the contractions and the urges. I pushed for 10 minutes and Baxter Leo Bay came into this world at 7:57 weighing in at 7 pounds 7 oz and 19.75 inches long. My doctor told me that I handled natural childbirth better than some of his patients who had planned for a natural birth. It was an amazing experience full of hope, love, darkness, excitement, anxiety, pain, elation, and peace. The experience was not what I had planned, but one that I had been prepared for. A few weeks before I went into labor I was inspired to look at techniques for if the epidural failed. Leo and I had discussed the possibility of a natural birth because I wanted to see if I could do it. I was able to be calm with Leo (for the most part) and only once make a slightly awkward demand on him. I felt things that cannot be described and was filled with so much love for our Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, the women who came before me and my eternal family. That was just the tip of the ice burg as love overwhelmed me and still does when I look at my husband and my sweet little boy. We did this together. We waited, we sacrificed, we prayed and now we have come to the beginning of the next stage of our journey. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. It was a privilege and a blessing and I would not change a moment about it.

I Am SO Ready

This photo is me at 29 weeks. When I bought this shirt it was a little tight and I was afraid it would only last a couple weeks, but it was so cute I couldn't resist! I am now 37 weeks and 2 days. That shirt still fits me and is one of the 3 shirts that actually make me look pregnant. The rest of my clothes just make me look...blobbish. I am well within what I should have gained this pregnancy but with every half ounce this baby gains I find it harder and harder to be comfortable. It shocks me how each day changes so much, for only half an ounce!

We are trying to get Mr. Baxter out to join us as soon as possible. That being said, before I get scolded, let me say: 1. I know he will come when he is ready. 2. I know I am not technically due until the 27th, but I am officially at term now. 3. At my last doctor appointment I was dilated to a 2 and 80% effaced and the doctor actually felt the babies head, so I feel like this could be coming to an end. I know, I know women have been in this state for weeks. 4. I am so excited to have our sweet baby join our earthly home, I am getting anxious!

Leo keeps pressuring Baxter to come since he doesn't have tests this week, which is making me a little stressed because I feel like we are on a schedule. Plus, I would like to be able to do some more of my housework so I don't have to ask Leo to do that when he is so busy. I try to get as much done as I can, but it is getting harder to maneuver and bend. I am also excited to see what he will look like! I am sure he will look like Leo when he was little as apparently the Bay genes wipe out anything in their path. I can't wait for Leo to get to hold and play with Baxter, he is so sweet and wonderful! When we were setting up Baxter's bed in our room, Leo decided to put the bed further across the room so that if I was exhausted, he could get Baxter for me without having to climb over me. I am so thankful for how sweet he is, he takes such wonderful care of me. The countdown is on.

Cutest Daddy Ever

All during my pregnancy I have been thoroughly entertained by my sweet husband preparing to be a daddy. Leo takes care of me, runs to the store, did the dishes, basically anything I didn't have the energy to do, he took care of it. As Baxter got older he would read him stories and try to listen to him through my belly and just last week he made Baxter a HAT! It is so cute! Tonight I woke up around 12:40 to Leo lying on my stomach singing softly, "I don't want to wake up mommy, but I want to play with you Baxter boy! Are you awake?" He then proceeded to tell Baxter a super cute story about Bo-Ji the marshmallow bunny peep with the moral being to always listen to mommy "so you don't turn into a pile of goo." I don't think he knew I was awake at this point.

My favorite part of the day is when Leo plays with Baxter. I swear, they already have a boys club! Leo can put his hand on Bax and talk to him and Baxter actually follows his hand kicking and hitting. When he stops and Leo says, "Kick me!" Baxter follows directions. Leo can read Seuss in a way that has Baxter dancing and jumping like a Mexican jumping bean and there is a huge surge of happy juice running through all of us. Leo encourages Baxter to take full advantage of his position over mommy's bladder and when I go streaking for the nearest restroom Leo laughs and says, "Baxter, you are the funniest boy I know!" He gets such a kick out of being a dad already, today he was trying to convince Bax that it was time for him to come because daddy was done waiting and wanted to play with him in person. If I have any hope of getting this boy out of me before my due date it is going to be because he can't wait to see his dad. I am so thankful for my sweetie and how wonderful he is to me and already is to Baxter. It brings me so much joy to feel their connection. I know that won't always be my privilege, but right now I am loving my front row seat!

Nesting Like a Little Bird

My nesting instinct comes in short bursts around 9:30 or 10:00 pm. I start cleaning with all the dedication I can muster and then I ache. I work through it for a bit until I am sweating and have even more pain, then I find a chore I can do while I sit such as folding laundry or delegating to Leo what I would like done. I sit until I get antsy and then start cleaning again. We just did the dishes and folded laundry, but I still can't help but feel that nothing is getting done. The antsyness is welling up inside me to the point that I need to feel some movement in my legs and see some improvement or there will be hell to pay. I have to go!

Prepping for the Final Stretch

From the time I was a little girl I was conditioned to believe that labor is the worst thing a woman can endure. I heard horror stories from my friends' moms recounting their experiences to my mother. When playing house there was always panting and screaming in the name of authenticity. Media portrays labor as something to be feared or a necessary evil. After spending some time looking at the stages of labor I have come to a conclusion. Now, I know I haven't done this before, but I have long felt that my experiences were only going to be as good as I wanted them to be. I have found this to be true in developing friendships, relationships with family and my own marriage. With that in mind, let us proceed.

I want to actively ENJOY doing what I was sent to Earth to do. I want to feel connected to the process with the understanding that there will be pain and discomfort involved. I want to feel my contractions (maybe not full-blown) and feel my baby move through me. I want to relax and understand that while labor and delivery may feel like an eternity on its own, it is the final experience to me being pregnant and I want to go out with a bang! It is the first true test in preparing for what I have always wanted to do, be a mother. There is divinity in that, it is not a reason to be fearful, but to find joy!

I have realized that the course of my pregnancy has been training me to get less sleep, thank you insomnia; that I can't always have my own schedule, thank you bladder; and that I will have moments that I would rather not have, thank you vomiting. Pregnancy has been teaching me flexibility and other important lessons that I will need as a mother. I always heard how hard pregnancy was, and yes, there were times it was not pleasant, but there is so much joy in it! I realized that I was responsible for another living being that would depend on me for all of his basic needs, thank you little embryo! A being that would turn to Leo and I for comfort, thank you little kicks! Someone who I would love so completely and try so hard to figure out how to keep him safe and get him back to Heavenly Father in the best possible shape, thank you Baxter!

I am so thankful for a Heavenly Father who loves me and allows me to grow to my fullest capacity through tests and has given me a strong, righteous partner to face these times with. I am grateful for the opportunity that Heavenly Father has given me to bring one of His spirit children into the world and for the knowledge that He knows I will be fine. Because I am His daughter with His divinity inside of me, His desire for our family to be together forever and His strength uplifting and protecting me. What a beautiful blessing that knowledge is.

Sleep Eludes Me

May I just say how much I am loving being up right now? Ok, not really. I want to be sleeping but my body is done. My sleep schedule is so off lately! The last couple nights I haven't been able to get to sleep until about 2:30 am. My early night was 12:30 and last night, in an act of defiance, I forced myself to lie down at 8:30. I slept but then woke up at 2:30, it is now 4:50, I may be getting sleepy again... we'll see.

I have decided that the interruptions in sleep during pregnancy are for our benefit to get our bodies used to not sleeping so we are not as exhausted as we could be when caring for our new little one. This is a tender mercy from Heavenly Father, for which I am grateful. I can't help but wonder though if I am doing something wrong or if I am doing more harm in confusion to my body by trying to sleep.

Leo is changing his sleep schedule much to his excitement. He goes to bed sometime between 8-10 pm and wakes up at 4 am. He feels like he gets so much done in the morning and he is preparing himself for when he has rotations. I am glad that he enjoys it, but I miss seeing him in the evenings. Tomorrow I am getting up earlier than I normally do on a Saturday so we can spend some time together. I am super excited!

The Joys of Being a Medical School Widow

Hello friends! I am so thankful to have my sweet Leo in medical school. I know what you are thinking, "What? Is she crazy? She never sees her husband, they will be over $500,000 in debt by the time he is done and he STILL has eleven years until he can have his own practice? AND she is thankful for this?!" Yes, I am. These are the reasons why.

I have the blessing to work to try to cover as many bills as I can while we budget out living expenses on our loans. The joy in this is that I have an opportunity to understand the pressures that come from making sure there is enough money for what we have to have. I am learning that there are wants and needs and the needs have to be prioritized. It is a lesson that I am very thankful for and it is better preparing me for being a mother as things need to be prioritized everyday.

I have the gift of watching my husband undertake one of the greatest goals of his life. I get to be frustrated with undesired results and celebrate his victories right alongside him. It is a joy watching him do what he needs to do and succeed at it. It makes me so happy that I get to see more and more of Leo's strengths. He is AMAZING at interacting with patients and diagnosing. Leo not only goes to class from 8:00 am-6:00 pm and studies from about 8:00 pm-1:00 am, but he also takes time to have dinner with me and often, he cooks it. I am constantly impressed with the things he accomplishes and am humbled and grateful for who he is. I do not take him for granted often because I can see how much he actually does for us. He is always cheerful with me and never complains. I stand in awe of the man I married.

Leo is learning all kinds of muscle manipulations which comes in very handy if you happen to be with a very pregnant wife in her third trimester and waddling, that's me! Leo does simple techniques which takes away most of my pain and discomfort. I don't waddle anymore and I LOVE THAT! Just tonight (after asking me since Friday if he could PLEASE just work on me) he fixed my hips that have been hurting for three days. Seconds after he finished I am feeling great and walkin' around like a goon! It isn't super fun, but he does it cheerfully and very willingly. Definitely makes my pregnancy easier.

Another reason I love having Leo in medical school is that since our time together is so limited we rarely spend it arguing. We are able to enjoy each other and just live in the moment, more often than not, although sometimes my hormones do get in the way... um...sorry about that honey! We do spend a lot of time vegging because otherwise Leo's brain would explode, but we get to talk and enjoy each other as well. We have spent some time recently reading different books and analyzing them.

My husband is a stinkin' walking encyclopedia! I mean seriously! He is so smart and he remembers all of this information that astounds me! He has to study hard, but it pays off in the end. I am going to take him with me to functions and when people ask me questions I will just refer them to Leo! I love listening to him!

Here are a couple random facts for you about Leo's first semester in Medical School:
1. During his semester (July 12-December 17) he completed 41 credit hours.
2. Leo has taken 29 written and practical exams.
3. When Leo takes his practical exams he gets to wear his white coat and interact with paid patients who then evaluate him for the professors. He is also filmed so professors and he can critique his performance as well.
4. Leo also works in the cadaver lab taking care of the corpses.
5. Leo has at least 17 books (my count) covering pharmacology, immunology, human anatomy and various sciences that he uses regularly.
6. Leo is required to practice different techniques on 10 different students for every unit they do and submit that to his professors as part of his grade.
7. Leo has practiced patient history, physical exam and neurological exam on Jamie. The history he had to be able to complete in 9 minutes, the history and exam in 14. I don't remember the times for the other ones, but either way he rocked at it!

These are all the reasons I am thankful to be a Medical School widow and I am sure that more will make themselves evident through the course of time.