Sunday, February 13, 2011
Nesting Like a Little Bird
My nesting instinct comes in short bursts around 9:30 or 10:00 pm. I start cleaning with all the dedication I can muster and then I ache. I work through it for a bit until I am sweating and have even more pain, then I find a chore I can do while I sit such as folding laundry or delegating to Leo what I would like done. I sit until I get antsy and then start cleaning again. We just did the dishes and folded laundry, but I still can't help but feel that nothing is getting done. The antsyness is welling up inside me to the point that I need to feel some movement in my legs and see some improvement or there will be hell to pay. I have to go!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Prepping for the Final Stretch
From the time I was a little girl I was conditioned to believe that labor is the worst thing a woman can endure. I heard horror stories from my friends' moms recounting their experiences to my mother. When playing house there was always panting and screaming in the name of authenticity. Media portrays labor as something to be feared or a necessary evil. After spending some time looking at the stages of labor I have come to a conclusion. Now, I know I haven't done this before, but I have long felt that my experiences were only going to be as good as I wanted them to be. I have found this to be true in developing friendships, relationships with family and my own marriage. With that in mind, let us proceed.
I want to actively ENJOY doing what I was sent to Earth to do. I want to feel connected to the process with the understanding that there will be pain and discomfort involved. I want to feel my contractions (maybe not full-blown) and feel my baby move through me. I want to relax and understand that while labor and delivery may feel like an eternity on its own, it is the final experience to me being pregnant and I want to go out with a bang! It is the first true test in preparing for what I have always wanted to do, be a mother. There is divinity in that, it is not a reason to be fearful, but to find joy!
I have realized that the course of my pregnancy has been training me to get less sleep, thank you insomnia; that I can't always have my own schedule, thank you bladder; and that I will have moments that I would rather not have, thank you vomiting. Pregnancy has been teaching me flexibility and other important lessons that I will need as a mother. I always heard how hard pregnancy was, and yes, there were times it was not pleasant, but there is so much joy in it! I realized that I was responsible for another living being that would depend on me for all of his basic needs, thank you little embryo! A being that would turn to Leo and I for comfort, thank you little kicks! Someone who I would love so completely and try so hard to figure out how to keep him safe and get him back to Heavenly Father in the best possible shape, thank you Baxter!
I am so thankful for a Heavenly Father who loves me and allows me to grow to my fullest capacity through tests and has given me a strong, righteous partner to face these times with. I am grateful for the opportunity that Heavenly Father has given me to bring one of His spirit children into the world and for the knowledge that He knows I will be fine. Because I am His daughter with His divinity inside of me, His desire for our family to be together forever and His strength uplifting and protecting me. What a beautiful blessing that knowledge is.
I want to actively ENJOY doing what I was sent to Earth to do. I want to feel connected to the process with the understanding that there will be pain and discomfort involved. I want to feel my contractions (maybe not full-blown) and feel my baby move through me. I want to relax and understand that while labor and delivery may feel like an eternity on its own, it is the final experience to me being pregnant and I want to go out with a bang! It is the first true test in preparing for what I have always wanted to do, be a mother. There is divinity in that, it is not a reason to be fearful, but to find joy!
I have realized that the course of my pregnancy has been training me to get less sleep, thank you insomnia; that I can't always have my own schedule, thank you bladder; and that I will have moments that I would rather not have, thank you vomiting. Pregnancy has been teaching me flexibility and other important lessons that I will need as a mother. I always heard how hard pregnancy was, and yes, there were times it was not pleasant, but there is so much joy in it! I realized that I was responsible for another living being that would depend on me for all of his basic needs, thank you little embryo! A being that would turn to Leo and I for comfort, thank you little kicks! Someone who I would love so completely and try so hard to figure out how to keep him safe and get him back to Heavenly Father in the best possible shape, thank you Baxter!
I am so thankful for a Heavenly Father who loves me and allows me to grow to my fullest capacity through tests and has given me a strong, righteous partner to face these times with. I am grateful for the opportunity that Heavenly Father has given me to bring one of His spirit children into the world and for the knowledge that He knows I will be fine. Because I am His daughter with His divinity inside of me, His desire for our family to be together forever and His strength uplifting and protecting me. What a beautiful blessing that knowledge is.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Sleep Eludes Me
May I just say how much I am loving being up right now? Ok, not really. I want to be sleeping but my body is done. My sleep schedule is so off lately! The last couple nights I haven't been able to get to sleep until about 2:30 am. My early night was 12:30 and last night, in an act of defiance, I forced myself to lie down at 8:30. I slept but then woke up at 2:30, it is now 4:50, I may be getting sleepy again... we'll see.
I have decided that the interruptions in sleep during pregnancy are for our benefit to get our bodies used to not sleeping so we are not as exhausted as we could be when caring for our new little one. This is a tender mercy from Heavenly Father, for which I am grateful. I can't help but wonder though if I am doing something wrong or if I am doing more harm in confusion to my body by trying to sleep.
Leo is changing his sleep schedule much to his excitement. He goes to bed sometime between 8-10 pm and wakes up at 4 am. He feels like he gets so much done in the morning and he is preparing himself for when he has rotations. I am glad that he enjoys it, but I miss seeing him in the evenings. Tomorrow I am getting up earlier than I normally do on a Saturday so we can spend some time together. I am super excited!
I have decided that the interruptions in sleep during pregnancy are for our benefit to get our bodies used to not sleeping so we are not as exhausted as we could be when caring for our new little one. This is a tender mercy from Heavenly Father, for which I am grateful. I can't help but wonder though if I am doing something wrong or if I am doing more harm in confusion to my body by trying to sleep.
Leo is changing his sleep schedule much to his excitement. He goes to bed sometime between 8-10 pm and wakes up at 4 am. He feels like he gets so much done in the morning and he is preparing himself for when he has rotations. I am glad that he enjoys it, but I miss seeing him in the evenings. Tomorrow I am getting up earlier than I normally do on a Saturday so we can spend some time together. I am super excited!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The Joys of Being a Medical School Widow
Hello friends! I am so thankful to have my sweet Leo in medical school. I know what you are thinking, "What? Is she crazy? She never sees her husband, they will be over $500,000 in debt by the time he is done and he STILL has eleven years until he can have his own practice? AND she is thankful for this?!" Yes, I am. These are the reasons why.
I have the blessing to work to try to cover as many bills as I can while we budget out living expenses on our loans. The joy in this is that I have an opportunity to understand the pressures that come from making sure there is enough money for what we have to have. I am learning that there are wants and needs and the needs have to be prioritized. It is a lesson that I am very thankful for and it is better preparing me for being a mother as things need to be prioritized everyday.
I have the gift of watching my husband undertake one of the greatest goals of his life. I get to be frustrated with undesired results and celebrate his victories right alongside him. It is a joy watching him do what he needs to do and succeed at it. It makes me so happy that I get to see more and more of Leo's strengths. He is AMAZING at interacting with patients and diagnosing. Leo not only goes to class from 8:00 am-6:00 pm and studies from about 8:00 pm-1:00 am, but he also takes time to have dinner with me and often, he cooks it. I am constantly impressed with the things he accomplishes and am humbled and grateful for who he is. I do not take him for granted often because I can see how much he actually does for us. He is always cheerful with me and never complains. I stand in awe of the man I married.
Leo is learning all kinds of muscle manipulations which comes in very handy if you happen to be with a very pregnant wife in her third trimester and waddling, that's me! Leo does simple techniques which takes away most of my pain and discomfort. I don't waddle anymore and I LOVE THAT! Just tonight (after asking me since Friday if he could PLEASE just work on me) he fixed my hips that have been hurting for three days. Seconds after he finished I am feeling great and walkin' around like a goon! It isn't super fun, but he does it cheerfully and very willingly. Definitely makes my pregnancy easier.
Another reason I love having Leo in medical school is that since our time together is so limited we rarely spend it arguing. We are able to enjoy each other and just live in the moment, more often than not, although sometimes my hormones do get in the way... um...sorry about that honey! We do spend a lot of time vegging because otherwise Leo's brain would explode, but we get to talk and enjoy each other as well. We have spent some time recently reading different books and analyzing them.
My husband is a stinkin' walking encyclopedia! I mean seriously! He is so smart and he remembers all of this information that astounds me! He has to study hard, but it pays off in the end. I am going to take him with me to functions and when people ask me questions I will just refer them to Leo! I love listening to him!
Here are a couple random facts for you about Leo's first semester in Medical School:
1. During his semester (July 12-December 17) he completed 41 credit hours.
2. Leo has taken 29 written and practical exams.
3. When Leo takes his practical exams he gets to wear his white coat and interact with paid patients who then evaluate him for the professors. He is also filmed so professors and he can critique his performance as well.
4. Leo also works in the cadaver lab taking care of the corpses.
5. Leo has at least 17 books (my count) covering pharmacology, immunology, human anatomy and various sciences that he uses regularly.
6. Leo is required to practice different techniques on 10 different students for every unit they do and submit that to his professors as part of his grade.
7. Leo has practiced patient history, physical exam and neurological exam on Jamie. The history he had to be able to complete in 9 minutes, the history and exam in 14. I don't remember the times for the other ones, but either way he rocked at it!
These are all the reasons I am thankful to be a Medical School widow and I am sure that more will make themselves evident through the course of time.
I have the blessing to work to try to cover as many bills as I can while we budget out living expenses on our loans. The joy in this is that I have an opportunity to understand the pressures that come from making sure there is enough money for what we have to have. I am learning that there are wants and needs and the needs have to be prioritized. It is a lesson that I am very thankful for and it is better preparing me for being a mother as things need to be prioritized everyday.
I have the gift of watching my husband undertake one of the greatest goals of his life. I get to be frustrated with undesired results and celebrate his victories right alongside him. It is a joy watching him do what he needs to do and succeed at it. It makes me so happy that I get to see more and more of Leo's strengths. He is AMAZING at interacting with patients and diagnosing. Leo not only goes to class from 8:00 am-6:00 pm and studies from about 8:00 pm-1:00 am, but he also takes time to have dinner with me and often, he cooks it. I am constantly impressed with the things he accomplishes and am humbled and grateful for who he is. I do not take him for granted often because I can see how much he actually does for us. He is always cheerful with me and never complains. I stand in awe of the man I married.
Leo is learning all kinds of muscle manipulations which comes in very handy if you happen to be with a very pregnant wife in her third trimester and waddling, that's me! Leo does simple techniques which takes away most of my pain and discomfort. I don't waddle anymore and I LOVE THAT! Just tonight (after asking me since Friday if he could PLEASE just work on me) he fixed my hips that have been hurting for three days. Seconds after he finished I am feeling great and walkin' around like a goon! It isn't super fun, but he does it cheerfully and very willingly. Definitely makes my pregnancy easier.
Another reason I love having Leo in medical school is that since our time together is so limited we rarely spend it arguing. We are able to enjoy each other and just live in the moment, more often than not, although sometimes my hormones do get in the way... um...sorry about that honey! We do spend a lot of time vegging because otherwise Leo's brain would explode, but we get to talk and enjoy each other as well. We have spent some time recently reading different books and analyzing them.
My husband is a stinkin' walking encyclopedia! I mean seriously! He is so smart and he remembers all of this information that astounds me! He has to study hard, but it pays off in the end. I am going to take him with me to functions and when people ask me questions I will just refer them to Leo! I love listening to him!
Here are a couple random facts for you about Leo's first semester in Medical School:
1. During his semester (July 12-December 17) he completed 41 credit hours.
2. Leo has taken 29 written and practical exams.
3. When Leo takes his practical exams he gets to wear his white coat and interact with paid patients who then evaluate him for the professors. He is also filmed so professors and he can critique his performance as well.
4. Leo also works in the cadaver lab taking care of the corpses.
5. Leo has at least 17 books (my count) covering pharmacology, immunology, human anatomy and various sciences that he uses regularly.
6. Leo is required to practice different techniques on 10 different students for every unit they do and submit that to his professors as part of his grade.
7. Leo has practiced patient history, physical exam and neurological exam on Jamie. The history he had to be able to complete in 9 minutes, the history and exam in 14. I don't remember the times for the other ones, but either way he rocked at it!
These are all the reasons I am thankful to be a Medical School widow and I am sure that more will make themselves evident through the course of time.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Life is Good
The title of today's post comes from my dad. I have spoken with him a lot lately and every time I ask him how he is his response is everything going on and then, "Life is good". I think this is extremely fitting. Leo and I have been blessed beyond contemplation as I think of the choices that we have made, the people who have blessed us and the situations we have been fortunate enough to come through.
There is much joy in knowing that there is a person who loves you unconditionally and completely with a selfless heart. Leo does amazing things as he goes to school, studies, cooks dinner and for most of this pregnancy has taken it upon himself to do the dishes. He still manages to find time to spend with me and is cheerful even though he is being pulled in 30 different directions at once. In the midst of all this he even offered to do the laundry as well and during his week off, he cleaned our house. He pretty much rocks! There is so much joy and love in our home and we have been extremely blessed with a happy marriage and patience and understanding with one another at this time, though I am sure more him than me. I don't have to try to be patient with Leo, it is easy.
It is an honor to work with an organization that I can support. CARE focuses on helping the community and developing humanity within our neighborhood. The organization's head is loving and kind and goes about 3000 miles an hour. Running the food bank, the Santa shop, pediatric clinic, dental clinic, and after school program may seem like a huge enough feat, but she is still searching for ways to bring resources to her community. It is a privilege being a part of this organization and they have been so good working with me during this pregnancy.
This brings me to Baxter. Baxter is our baby. He is being named after my mom's parents who were strong, kind, faithful people. He started kicking 2 weeks ago and it is so much fun feeling him squirm in there and feel him getting bigger. Sometimes yes, I can get emotional, but I have been extremely blessed with an amazingly supportive husband who never complains and is never grumpy! Baxter is developing nicely and at his last ultrasound was in the 77% for size. This is not super news for delivery, but I am thrilled that he is healthy. Baxter loves daddy's voice and kicks when Leo stops singing or talking. Baxter also loves when daddy reads the scriptures to him or any of our other stories we read. Baxter loves upbeat music!
Preparing to become parents has been a lot of fun but a little stressful at times as we contemplate our financial obligations. We have been supported through our trials and relief has come when we didn't see a solution. This is a great blessing from our Heavenly Father who will not let us fail as long as we are trying our best. I am thankful for parents who taught me that the Lord will never forsake us, a husband who is faithful to his testimony and friends who listen to the Spirit and come to our aid to buoy up our spirits.
I have been extremely humbled and thankful as I look back on our year, the people we have met, the opportunities that have been made available and the closeness that Leo and I enjoy. Yes dear friends, Life IS good!
There is much joy in knowing that there is a person who loves you unconditionally and completely with a selfless heart. Leo does amazing things as he goes to school, studies, cooks dinner and for most of this pregnancy has taken it upon himself to do the dishes. He still manages to find time to spend with me and is cheerful even though he is being pulled in 30 different directions at once. In the midst of all this he even offered to do the laundry as well and during his week off, he cleaned our house. He pretty much rocks! There is so much joy and love in our home and we have been extremely blessed with a happy marriage and patience and understanding with one another at this time, though I am sure more him than me. I don't have to try to be patient with Leo, it is easy.
It is an honor to work with an organization that I can support. CARE focuses on helping the community and developing humanity within our neighborhood. The organization's head is loving and kind and goes about 3000 miles an hour. Running the food bank, the Santa shop, pediatric clinic, dental clinic, and after school program may seem like a huge enough feat, but she is still searching for ways to bring resources to her community. It is a privilege being a part of this organization and they have been so good working with me during this pregnancy.
This brings me to Baxter. Baxter is our baby. He is being named after my mom's parents who were strong, kind, faithful people. He started kicking 2 weeks ago and it is so much fun feeling him squirm in there and feel him getting bigger. Sometimes yes, I can get emotional, but I have been extremely blessed with an amazingly supportive husband who never complains and is never grumpy! Baxter is developing nicely and at his last ultrasound was in the 77% for size. This is not super news for delivery, but I am thrilled that he is healthy. Baxter loves daddy's voice and kicks when Leo stops singing or talking. Baxter also loves when daddy reads the scriptures to him or any of our other stories we read. Baxter loves upbeat music!
Preparing to become parents has been a lot of fun but a little stressful at times as we contemplate our financial obligations. We have been supported through our trials and relief has come when we didn't see a solution. This is a great blessing from our Heavenly Father who will not let us fail as long as we are trying our best. I am thankful for parents who taught me that the Lord will never forsake us, a husband who is faithful to his testimony and friends who listen to the Spirit and come to our aid to buoy up our spirits.
I have been extremely humbled and thankful as I look back on our year, the people we have met, the opportunities that have been made available and the closeness that Leo and I enjoy. Yes dear friends, Life IS good!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Thoughts on Pregnancy
At 10 weeks pregnant I am feeling somewhat tired and a little nauseated. I miss eating what I want to eat without fear of this child's retribution. I miss being comfortable and having a desire to do things. I will say I am not nearly as hormonal as I thought I would be, I think I am actually fairly tame, other than crying a little bit more but at least I am not a shrew!
I love checking websites for the latest developments and think it is amazing that a bit of me and a bit of Leo have come together to make an earthly body for this little spirit. Women who have been pregnant before have brought me joy by offering their advice and small insights. It is fun to hear about the differences in pregnancies. I have been thinking about the earthly discomforts of carrying a child and have to say that as far as pregnancies go, mine hasn't been bad. I figure that as we are bringing one of God's children in the world, we should be becoming better people, taking time to look at what we want our children to grow up believeing and being surrounded by. We think about how to create the best possible world for our family, this takes effort and growth. Growth takes time and stepping out of your comfort zone, as this is such a monumental event, why should it be any different. It is a blessing and a privilege to do what is necessary to welcome a perfect spirit to our home.
I do rather enjoy being pregnant all around. I love the differences my body is going through and how connected I feel to this unborn child. I love the increase of love and joy in our home as we are preparing for becoming parents. I love the conversations Leo and I have about what we feel is important and how we will teach our children and the roles each of us have. I love having Leo tease me about names he wants to use and putting his hand on my stomach and talking to the baby. Nicole told me that pregnancy is a spiritual experience and I love it!
I love checking websites for the latest developments and think it is amazing that a bit of me and a bit of Leo have come together to make an earthly body for this little spirit. Women who have been pregnant before have brought me joy by offering their advice and small insights. It is fun to hear about the differences in pregnancies. I have been thinking about the earthly discomforts of carrying a child and have to say that as far as pregnancies go, mine hasn't been bad. I figure that as we are bringing one of God's children in the world, we should be becoming better people, taking time to look at what we want our children to grow up believeing and being surrounded by. We think about how to create the best possible world for our family, this takes effort and growth. Growth takes time and stepping out of your comfort zone, as this is such a monumental event, why should it be any different. It is a blessing and a privilege to do what is necessary to welcome a perfect spirit to our home.
I do rather enjoy being pregnant all around. I love the differences my body is going through and how connected I feel to this unborn child. I love the increase of love and joy in our home as we are preparing for becoming parents. I love the conversations Leo and I have about what we feel is important and how we will teach our children and the roles each of us have. I love having Leo tease me about names he wants to use and putting his hand on my stomach and talking to the baby. Nicole told me that pregnancy is a spiritual experience and I love it!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Am I Alone on This?
Is anybody else concerned with the world we live in? I hear vulgarity everyday, I see borderline porn in commercials and on billboards around my house. On TV men are constantly undermining women or objectifying them. There are jokes and scenarios that undermine or criticize marriage and families. I AM TIRED OF IT! I am starting to get extremely vocal with those around me about their language and off-color jokes, not in a rude way mind you, but letting them know that I don't like that language. Leo and I turned the cable off. I emailed the company with the billboards, you know what happened? THEY PUT UP MORE!
I have spoken with several friends of different backgrounds and religions who have similar concerns with the direction the world is going. I don't want to be difficult, I want everyone to get along, everyone has rights. Thats fair. I have rights too! Stop encroaching on them! It is my right to live my life and walk on campus without hearing 4-letter words or having cigarrette smoke blown in my face. I have a right to drive to work or to run errands without being accosted by billboards of half naked men and women with strategically placed fabric on them. I have a right to come home after a long day and NOT have cigarette smoke coming through the vents into our unit. I am done sitting idly by while the world criticizes and mocks marriage, family and purity. I will no longer welcome the smut that is being fed as "appropriate". I will have the courage to turn off TV or radio shows that are not uplifting. I have a reason to stand up for marriage and familyto be treated with respect. I have a responsiblity to change the world if I do not like where it is headed. This is long overdue!
The time has come for us to decide where we stand and fight for the right, the good, and the edifying. It is time to make our voices heard and start seeing that the media and regulations coming into force that reflect our standards and stop settling for mediocrity! I have found my voice. Have you found yours?
I have spoken with several friends of different backgrounds and religions who have similar concerns with the direction the world is going. I don't want to be difficult, I want everyone to get along, everyone has rights. Thats fair. I have rights too! Stop encroaching on them! It is my right to live my life and walk on campus without hearing 4-letter words or having cigarrette smoke blown in my face. I have a right to drive to work or to run errands without being accosted by billboards of half naked men and women with strategically placed fabric on them. I have a right to come home after a long day and NOT have cigarette smoke coming through the vents into our unit. I am done sitting idly by while the world criticizes and mocks marriage, family and purity. I will no longer welcome the smut that is being fed as "appropriate". I will have the courage to turn off TV or radio shows that are not uplifting. I have a reason to stand up for marriage and familyto be treated with respect. I have a responsiblity to change the world if I do not like where it is headed. This is long overdue!
The time has come for us to decide where we stand and fight for the right, the good, and the edifying. It is time to make our voices heard and start seeing that the media and regulations coming into force that reflect our standards and stop settling for mediocrity! I have found my voice. Have you found yours?
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